A Nutter and a KnowItAll
by romantic-ruffles
Summary: THIS IS A RANT. Cornelius Fudge and Molly Weasley! . WARNING: I now think this story sucks so you don't have to read it.


**A Stupid Nutter + An Idiot Know-It-All DEAD!**

Cornelius Fudge is experiencing a mental breakdown (good for him; the nasty loser!). But there are some things—and some people that will make him see light again. But he's still a sucker! (MUAHAHAHA—I'm mean) Just R & R. Guaranteed laughter.

**Chapter 1—The Nutter and the Know-It-All CROSS PATHS! And DIEEE!**

Cornelius Oswald Fudge sat on a hard, cold, granite bench, watching the snow fall and swirl.

He happened to be sitting outside the house of a certain Weasley family which he rather despised. For around two years, he had done everything he could to sack Arthur Weasley. But there would never be anyone as crazily in love with Muggle artifacts that would perform the job as enthusiastically as the said Arthur Weasley did.

But then again, Fudge thought, _What was HE doing worrying about Arthur Weasley and his stupid Muggle Artefacts job? HE WAS NO LONGER MINISTER FOR MAGIC, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!_

Fudge whispered to himself quietly, 'I guess I just can't accept that Rufus Scrimgeour got my jo—former job.'

_It was all because of that stupid Harry Potter he'd lost his job! And that ALBUS DUMBLEDORE! _

'Don't be stupid, Corn!' Fudge consoled himself stupidly, 'anyway, that PRAT, ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS DEAD! D-E-A-D! HAH!'

Then he looked at the bench he sat on. There was a sort of drawing etched there of a supposed-owl and it was signed "Ron Weasley".

'WEASLEY!' Fudge exclaimed, 'Like my secretar—FORMER secretary, Percy Weasley! And Arthur Weasley!'

_Wait a minute! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL AM I DOING AT THE WEALEYS'?_

'HEAR THAT WEASLEYS'?' Fudge bellowed.

'OH, YES!' he roared, 'HAH! HAH!'

Suddenly, Fudge heard a voice.

'Who the bloody hell was that?' it said.

Another identical voice replied, 'Better check it out!'

Then, before Fudge knew it, two tall, red-haired, freckly Weasley twins were standing in front of him.

'Why, Fred!' said George in mock surprise.

'Oh, George!' faked Fred.

'Do you see what I see, Freddy?' George asked, enjoying himself.

'Oh yes, INDEED, Georgie!' Fred chuckled.

'A NUTTER!' their voices sniggered in unison.

'What are YOU doing outside OUR house, Cornball?' Fred smirked.

'Yeah, Fudgy Pudgy?' George sneered.

'I could ask myself the same question…' Fudge trailed off purposefully, 'you get my drift, Arcy?' He wiggled his eyebrows stupidly.

'ARCY?'

'-doesn't he recognize there are TWO of us?'

'-yeah, and that we are neither ARTHUR-'

'-nor PERCY?'

'-and that, if he is asking himself the same question-'

'-WHY THE HELL IS HE STILL HERE?'

'-and what was with that stupid eyebrow thing?'

'-and that—'

But he (one of the twins, don't ask me) was cut off by the loud shrieking noises made by his—I mean, THEIR mother.

'FRED! GEORGE! Good Merlin, it's that Cornelius!'

'_THAT CORNELIUS?' _Fred sniggered.

'Fudge! Oh, FUDGE! Fudge, you mustn't!'

'_FUDGE, OH, FUDGE, YOU MUSNTN'T?' _George sniggered.

'Ossy, darling, we were never meant to be!'

'_OSSY (here Fred made a disgusting squelching sound) DARLING? WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE?' _Fred sniggered.

'I've got Arthur now!'

'_I'VE GOT ARTHUR NOW?' _George sniggered.

Mrs. Weasley had finally stopped talking and was gazing deeply into Fudge's eyes.

'Mum—' began Fred.

'-you do realize—' continued George.

'-that we are NO DOUBTEDLY—' Fred carried on.

'-going to inform Dad—' George persisted.

'-about THIS?' Fred finished.

'What?' Molly Weasley flushed a deep shade of pink.

'You,' Fred said simply.

'And _THIS MAN_,' George said innocently.

'WHAT man?' Molly laughed, fake and high-pitched.

The twins said nothing at first. And then—

'_THAT CORNELIUS!'_

'_FUDGE, OH FUDGE, YOU MUSN'T!'_

'_OSSY DARLING!'_

'_WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE!'_

'_I'VE GOT ARTHUR NOW!'_

The twins smirked at Mrs. Weasley, laughter ringing around everywhere.

'Fudge and I…' Mrs, Weasley trailed off, 'er…we have…um…THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN CORNELIUS FUDGE AND ME!'

She was angry now.

'FUDGE WAS JUST LEAVING NOW, _WEREN'T YOU _FUDGE?' Mrs. Weasley screeched.

'I was?' said Fudge, confused. 'No, Molly, I was intending on staying here…' He caught Mrs. Weasley's eye.

'_WEREN'T YOU, _FUDGE?'

'I suppose…' He left, disappointment following him.

'FRED! GEORGE! IN!' Mrs. Weasley yelled.

They obediently went in.

The rest of the day was uneventful. (Unless you count Mrs. Weasley who was still red all over not looking at anyone)

Until dinner, that is.

It was just the Weasley family—Arthur, Molly, Fred, George, Ron and Ginny.

'Today was fantastic!' Arthur was singing happily, 'Rufus is so obviously a BETTER Minister than that Cornelius…'

Fred and George exchanged glances.

''S matter of fact, Dad,' Fred started.

''Ol Fudgy was here just now…'

'Was he?' Arthur was surprised.

'He and MUM, here had a veeeeery interesting conversation…' George said suggestively.

'Nothing _YOU _would like though, Dad…'

'Why not?' Arthur said grumpily.

'Well, you know…'

'Shut it, Fred, George! NO DESSERT FOR YOU! Up to your rooms, then!' Molly scolded, turning even redder.

'No, Molly, I want to hear what they have to say,' Arthur interjected.

'You do?' Molly squeaked nervously.

'They were FLIRTING, Dad!' Fred jumped in.

FLIRTING?' Arthur turned red and stared at Molly, 'is THIS true then, Mollywobbles?'

'NO!' Mrs. Weasley squealed, 'ABSOLUTELY NOT! Stop making up nonsense, Fred! George!'

'We aren't making up nonsense…' Fred protested.

'Yeah!' George chimed in.

'Unless you don't count "THAT CORNELIUS" flirting!' Both twins wore devilish grins now.

'"FUDGE, OH, FUDGE, YOU MUSTN'T!"'

'"OSSY DARLING!"'

'"WE WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE!"'

'"I'VE GOT ARTHUR NOW!"'

'MOLLY WEASLEY!' Arthur shouted, 'IS THIS TRUE?'

'NO!' Molly screamed, 'IT ISN'T!'

'But Mum!' Ginny said, 'Me and Ron saw you flirting from the window!'

'NO!' Molly yelled, 'NO!'

'Molly!' Arthur sobbed, 'there's no denying it! The kids are probably right!' Ragged tears flowed down his face.

'Arthur!' Molly weeped, 'Noooo!'

'Molly,' Arthur went, 'there's no way I can keep you as a wife now that I know you secretly harbour a lustful desire for a certain Cornelius Fudge!'

'ARTHUR!' Molly shouted, 'SAY IT ISN'T SO! TELL ME YOU'RE NOT LEAVING!'

'No, Molly, I'm NOT!'

'Thank Merlin, Arthur! I've never been so relieved in my life!'

'NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, MOLLY!' Arthur screeched, '_I'M _NOT LEAVING, **YOU **ARE!'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' Molly Weasleys' cries could be heard far into the night, 'ARRRRRRRRRRRRRTHUUUUUUUUUUUR!'

'TOO BAD, MOLLY PREWETT! YOU ARE NO LONGER A WEASLEY!'

'THE KIDS, ARTHUR! IT WAS JUST AN OOOOOOOOOLD SCHOOOOOOOOOOLGIRL CRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUSH!'

'SO GO AND FULFILL YOUR OLD SCHOOLGIRL CRUSH!'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

'YES!'

Molly Prewett was chucked out of the house.

**Molly Prewett sat with Cornelius Oswald Fudge, who, actually, had not left that spot on the granite bench and slowly, they both froze to death.**


End file.
